Here I am. Four o’clock, your average Wednesday, staring mindlessly at a cubicle wall and thumbing around on a machine hardly worthy of calling itself a computer. I’m stuck trying to figure out which direction I choose; do I run head first for the door, out the door? Do I stand my ground and accept that I’ve made a life for myself, though seemingly dull, passive and oddly frustrating at times, it is what I’ve become?
In years to come, I know I will tell myself it was all worth it. The days at work slamming my numb fingertips against an off-colored keyboard, avoiding phone calls and with all resistance, trying to ignore pleas from my distracted mind to, as eloquently as I can say it, abort the whole damn mission. My mission (as revisited from a 19-year-old me): finish college, graduate, do social work, live happily ever after. If ever I were so brave as to question myself now? My mission (as visited by a more “figured out, hypothetical” version of myself): to live naturally, to stand firmly against the values that my parents, their parents and their parents’ parents were braced to. And in my journey, I will come to appreciate what the earth can offer, what the physical land can offer. It’s offerings brought to the mind, soul and body are seemingly endless. It cures ailments produced by our own human nature- the need for nourishment, laughter and to be full. The ways of healing, living, growing and least I forget prospering will show me how to live alive. Living humbly and simply will be my goal, while living self-sufficiently will be a close second.
While this mature, learned clone of myself prospers from the warmth of knowledge and wisdom, I on the other hand will furrow my brow, stick my heels in the dirt, flex every muscle physically possible by voluntary control and sludge through the muck that I’ve landed in. Making vows to my future self to find solace when my mind seems adamant on backing out. So begins the year of the challenge; Standing Among Society when I wish to Stand Among the Earth.